Jesse Could Die! Or He Might Next Week, But You Should Still Watch!!

Oh what a week! At work I’m doing triple duty- our receptionist is on holidays, so I’m covering the phones, doing my regular work and training a temp to work the switchboard so she can eventually take over. I’m so discombobulated. It’s like staying your friend’s place for over a week. You’re in a home, but it’s not your home (it’s not clean as your home… but I digress) and your routine is all fucked up. In the morning I like to have a coffee first thing while I read my emails (I feel so haughty pointing out other people’s grammar and spelling errors) and then start with some simple stuff to ease into the day. Now I’m training someone how to transfer calls to the right department etc. before jotting back to my desk to put out a few fires, before trotting back to the front to help with the phones, before dragging my knuckles back to my desk to eat. My poor bladder is not amused… When the receptionist returns she’s getting a hug and a kiss from me and a big bouquet of flowers.

Saw Transformers 2 and like mostly everyone I hated it with a passion. It made me wonder why I even liked the first movie. Save your money, this movie sucks more than a ten dollar hooker. It was trying too hard to be an action movie, a slap stick comedy (with big, giant robots- go figure), a romance (&*#!??), and a buddy flick- all at the same time! It’s like Michael Bay just threw a lot of shit at the wall and tried to make it all stick. Oh, and there’s explosions in the shit too.

There’s this new show on TV I’ve been seeing commercials for called Jesse James Is a Dead Man. Now, I’m not sure who the moron was who came up with this concept (perhaps Jesse was the more logical choice after Anna Nicole Smith died. Too bad too, that would have made a really interesting show) but somewhere in TV land somebody thought that flying Jesse James the bike mechanic all over North America to do death defying things would be a good idea. It’s not. This show sucks and blows at the same time. The commercials advertising the show however, are awesome! In a really bad-hysterically-funny-way awesome.

Each commercial is a preview of what Jesse will be doing that week. You can probably find them on You Tube. In one, Jesse is in a Baja dessert race, and a rep from the race course says ominously “if Jesse doesn’t control his car fast enough, he could die”. Commercial two appears to be a race with solar powered cars (?) where again a rep from the activity-of-the-week says ominously “if Jesse is not keyed in, he could die”. Folks, Jesse is NOT going to die. He probably won’t even go… thirsty. He has lawyers, insurance reps… hell he’s MARRIED TO SANDRA BULLOCK!! I doubt there’s ANYTHING dangerous he’s about to do on that show that will put him even close to getting killed. Plus, the show is taped 8 months prior to airing on TV. If he did “die” you can bet the papers would have reported it. It’s a joke, and not a terribly interesting show. There are plans for season two, but dear reader, they need help! You can create the second season of this show, and all you have to do is fill in the blanks, just like the producers did for season one. This could be the next Mastercard Moment. Have fun!!

Fill in this sentence:

If Jesse …. he could die!

For example…

If Jesse doesn’t wash his hands after handling raw chicken, he could die!

If Jesse steps in a puddle and plugs in those Christmas lights, he could die!

If Jesse walks around downtown Baghdad in a dress, he could die!